Tag: business

The Pitfalls of People-Pleasing in Female Leadership in the public and third sectors

Photo by Canva Studio on Pexels.com

In the realm of leadership, there’s a pervasive misconception that being agreeable and accommodating to everyone is a sure path to success. This tendency to prioritize others’ needs over one’s own, known as people-pleasing, is often glorified, especially when it comes to women in leadership roles. However, a deeper examination reveals that people-pleasing is fundamentally incompatible with effective leadership, particularly for women striving to break through the glass ceiling.

What is People-Pleasing?

People-pleasing is a behaviour characterized by an excessive need for approval and a fear of rejection or conflict. It involves prioritizing the desires and expectations of others over one’s own needs and desires. While it may seem like a harmless trait, especially in a society that values harmony and cooperation, it can have detrimental effects, particularly in leadership positions. In many ways it is written in our DNA: In anthropological terms, it was necessary for women to be useful to a tribe in a way that men were not, so people pleasing was a sure fire way to keep in with the tribe !

Both people-pleasing and perfectionism stem from a fear of inadequacy and rejection, perpetuating a cycle of striving for acceptance through constant achievement and perfection. This leads to a never-ending pursuit where no amount of effort seems enough. The focus on pleasing others creates a divide between one’s true self and the persona presented to the world, resulting in a loss of authenticity and self-awareness. The approval gained from pleasing others fails to alleviate internal doubts and anxieties, as it is based on a false representation. Consequently, individuals lose touch with their genuine preferences, beliefs, and values, as they prioritize meeting external expectations. People-pleasing and perfectionism act as shields, obscuring the true self and hindering personal growth and fulfillment. Breaking free from these patterns requires embracing authenticity and prioritizing self-awareness over external validation.

In the context of female leadership, the pressure to be likable and accommodating is often magnified. Women in leadership roles are frequently expected to navigate a delicate balance between assertiveness and nurturing, all while contending with societal stereotypes and biases. As a result, many women succumb to the temptation to prioritize harmony over confrontation, leading them down the slippery slope of people-pleasing.

Why People-Pleasing is Incompatible with Good Leadership

At first glance, people-pleasing may appear to foster positive relationships and teamwork. However, beneath the surface lies a host of problems that can undermine effective leadership for example:

  • Loss of Authenticity: Constantly seeking approval from others can erode a leader’s sense of self and authenticity. By prioritizing others’ expectations over their own values and principles, leaders risk losing sight of who they truly are and what they stand for.
  • Inability to Make Tough Decisions: Effective leadership often requires making difficult decisions that may not be popular with everyone. People-pleasers, fearing backlash or disapproval, may shy away from making these tough calls, leading to indecision and stagnation within the organization.
  • Undermined Authority: Leaders who constantly seek validation from their team members may struggle to command respect and authority. Employees may perceive them as weak or indecisive, undermining their ability to lead effectively.
  • Stifled Innovation: Innovation thrives in environments where diverse perspectives are encouraged and dissenting opinions are welcomed. However, a culture of people-pleasing stifles creativity and innovation by discouraging constructive criticism and honest feedback.
  • Burnout and Resentment: Being a female leader and a people-pleaser can have significant consequences for wellbeing. Constantly striving to meet others’ expectations while neglecting one’s own needs can lead to heightened stress, anxiety, and burnout. Female leaders may find themselves caught in a cycle of overwork as they attempt to juggle the demands of leadership with the desire to please everyone. This relentless pursuit of approval can take a toll on both mental and physical health, leading to exhaustion, sleep disturbances, and decreased resilience. Moreover, the pressure to maintain a façade of perfection can exacerbate feelings of impostor syndrome and undermine self-confidence. Additionally, the internal conflict between authenticity and conformity can create a sense of dissonance, leaving female leaders feeling disconnected from their true selves. This lack of alignment with one’s values and beliefs can erode self-esteem and contribute to feelings of emptiness or dissatisfaction. In the long term, the negative impact on wellbeing can extend beyond the individual to affect relationships, job performance, and overall quality of life. It’s essential for female leaders to prioritize self-care, set boundaries, and seek support to mitigate the harmful effects of people-pleasing on their wellbeing.

Moving Towards Authentic Leadership

Authentic leadership for women involves aligning actions with personal values, fostering genuine connections, and embracing vulnerability (Northouse, 2015). It emphasizes transparency, self-awareness, and integrity, allowing female leaders to inspire trust and loyalty (Avolio & Gardner, 2005). By embracing authenticity, women leaders cultivate a supportive and inclusive work culture, where individuals feel empowered to express themselves and contribute fully (Gardner et al., 2011). This approach fosters collaboration, innovation, and employee engagement, leading to improved organizational performance and greater job satisfaction (Walumbwa et al., 2008). Ultimately, authentic leadership enables women to lead with confidence and make a meaningful impact on their teams and organizations.

Breaking free from the people-pleasing trap requires a conscious effort to cultivate authenticity, assertiveness, and self-confidence. Female leaders, in particular, must challenge societal norms and stereotypes, embracing their unique strengths and leadership styles. By prioritizing open communication, fostering a culture of accountability, and leading by example, women can redefine leadership on their own terms.

So… while the temptation to people-please may be strong, particularly for women in leadership roles, it ultimately undermines the very essence of effective leadership. By embracing authenticity, assertiveness, and self-confidence, female leaders can chart a new course towards more inclusive, innovative, and sustainable leadership practices.

10 Ways to Stop being a people pleasing leader

  1. Set Boundaries: Clearly define your limits and communicate them assertively to your team. Be firm in saying no to requests or tasks that don’t align with your priorities or values.
  • Practice Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your motivations and behaviors. Identify instances where you’ve prioritized others’ needs over your own and explore alternative responses.
  • Develop Assertiveness Skills: Learn to express your thoughts, opinions, and needs confidently and respectfully. Practice assertive communication techniques to assert your boundaries and preferences without being overly aggressive or passive.
  • Delegate Responsibility: Trust your team members to take on tasks and make decisions independently. Delegating responsibilities not only empowers your team but also frees up time for you to focus on strategic priorities.
  • Focus on Impact: Shift your focus from seeking approval to making a positive impact. Prioritize actions and decisions based on their potential to benefit the organization and stakeholders rather than solely seeking validation.
  • Embrace Constructive Feedback: Welcome feedback from others, even if it’s critical. Use feedback as an opportunity for growth and learning rather than taking it personally or feeling the need to defend yourself.
  • Practice Self-Care: Prioritize your well-being by taking care of your physical, mental, and emotional health. Schedule regular breaks, engage in activities you enjoy, and seek support from friends, family, or a mentor.
  • Cultivate Authentic Relationships: Foster genuine connections with your team based on trust, respect, and mutual understanding. Authentic relationships encourage open communication and collaboration, reducing the need for people-pleasing behaviors.
  • Stay True to Your Values: Align your actions with your core values and principles. Make decisions that reflect your beliefs, even if they may not be popular or well-received by everyone.

Seek Professional Development: Invest in leadership development programs or coaching to enhance your leadership skills and confidence. Surround yourself with supportive peers and mentors who can provide guidance and encouragement as you navigate away from people-pleasing tendencies

References:

Abrams, D., & Hogg, M. A. (2010). Social Identity Theory: Constructive and Critical Advances. Springer Science & Business Media.

Eagly, A. H., & Carli, L. L. (2007). Women and the labyrinth of leadership. Harvard Business Review, 85(9), 62-71.

Glick, P., & Fiske, S. T. (1996). The ambivalent sexism inventory: Differentiating hostile and benevolent sexism. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 70(3), 491.

Morin, A. (2015). 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success. William Morrow Paperbacks

    Why keep a dog and bark yourself ? The pitfalls of Micromanagement: Unraveling Causes, Consequences, and Employee Countermeasures

    Micromanagement, leadership approach characterized by excessive control and supervision, has long been a subject of concern in organizations worldwide. This article delves into the reasons behind leaders’ inclination to micromanage, the detrimental effects it has on both employees and the work environment, and provides some steps employees can take to address the issue.

     The 5 Key reasons why Leaders micromanage:

    • Trust and Control: Some leaders may struggle with trust issues or fear of failure, leading them to micromanage as a means of maintaining control over outcomes.
    • Perfectionism: A desire for perfection and attention to detail can push leaders to micromanage, believing that their input is crucial for achieving flawless results.
    • Lack of Confidence: Insecure leaders may feel the need to be involved in every decision and task, fearing that relinquishing control could expose their weaknesses.
    • Communication Gaps: Insufficient clarity or lack of effective communication within teams can drive leaders to micromanage to ensure tasks are executed as intended.
    • Personal Attachment: Leaders who have poured substantial effort into a project or task may find it difficult to delegate, resulting in micromanagement tendencies.

    The Consequences of Micromanagement:

    The consequences of micromanagement can be severe: employee demoralization-when constant monitoring and interference erodes employees’ motivation, job satisfaction, and self-confidence. This leads them to feel undervalued, leading to stress and burnout; Stifled creativity and innovation-micromanagement-this restricts staff autonomy and stifles their ability to think creatively or explore alternative solutions, hampering innovation within the organization, hindering growth and skill development: Lack of ownership -employees are deprived of the opportunity to take ownership of their work and develop new skills, hampering professional growth and limiting their potential; Reduced productivity- micromanagement consumes significant time and energy, diverting focus away from critical tasks, and employees become disengaged, leading to decreased productivity and compromised organizational performance: High turnover and talent loss-the negative impact of micromanagement often drives talented employees to seek more empowering work environments, leading to increased turnover rates and the loss of valuable human capital.

    What can you do if you are being micromanaged ?

    There are 5 key actions you can take if you are being micromanaged:

    1. Engage in open dialogue with the micromanaging leader, expressing concerns and requesting more autonomy and trust. Constructive feedback can help raise awareness about the impact of their behaviour.
    2. Establish Boundaries: Clearly define roles, responsibilities, and expectations. Proactively communicate progress, plans, and milestones to ensure transparency and minimize micromanagement tendencies.
    3. Demonstrate Competence: Prove your capabilities and competence through high-quality work, meeting deadlines, and taking ownership of assigned tasks. Building trust and confidence can gradually reduce the need for micromanagement.
    4. Seek Feedback: Actively seek feedback and guidance from the micromanaging leader. By demonstrating a commitment to learning and improvement, you can foster a collaborative environment and potentially mitigate micromanagement.
    5. Suggest Alternatives: Propose alternative approaches to demonstrate your ability to think critically and provide valuable insights. This can help shift the focus from constant monitoring to shared decision-making

    Micromanagement can have far-reaching consequences for both employees and organizations and understanding the underlying causes of micromanagement is crucial for employees to navigate and address this issue effectively. By fostering open communication, setting boundaries, and showcasing competence, you can strive to reduce micromanagement tendencies, foster a healthier work environment, and unleash you full potential.

    Allan, J., & Rogelberg, S. (2017). Encyclopedia of Industrial and Organizational Psychology. SAGE Publications.

    Erkutlu, H., & Chafra, J. (2018). A Comprehensive Literature Review of Micro-Managers and Micromanagement. Journal of Applied Management and Entrepreneurship, 23(1), 62-75.

    Kaur, R., & Mathur, A. (2017). Effects of Micromanagement on Employee Engagement: The Mediating Role of Psychological Ownership. Indian Journal of Industrial Relations, 52(2), 219-232.

    Rigby, D. K., & Bilodeau, B. (2018). Avoiding the Traps of Micromanagement. Harvard Business Review. Retrieved from https://hbr.org/2018/01/avoiding-the-traps-of-micromanagement